I like to think I’m someone who knows themselves. I like to think that I know exactly everything about myself, but sometimes that’s doubted. Someone will say something to me and I’ll think, “I do that?”, “Is that really me?”. Sometimes a comment will make me question who I am completely and makes me think I’m not so sure of myself after all.
You’re so nice!
You’re really intimidating.
You think you’re better than everyone.
You have amazing style.
You’re such a good dancer.
You have no rhythm.
What is the truth? Which opinion is actually me? Sometimes I love to hear what people have to say about me because it makes me feel like I’m learning more about the things that make up Caroline. Although I absolutely love learning about others, there’s something especially intriguing about learning about yourself.
I think, how is it possible that I love Halloween more than anything in the world, yet I never watch horror movies because I won’t be able to sleep alone for at least a week? How can I be obsessed with an all white aesthetic, yet color gives me so much exploding joy? How can I be going in to Chance the Rapper one minute and listening to Bon Iver the next. How can I be such a city girl, yet the moment I feel an ocean breeze and sea a wave crash I know I’m home.
There are so many parts to me and so many things that affect those parts. Specific people bring specific things out while others make them go into hiding. Underneath all of those little tidbits that make up who you are, you are your thoughts, you are your intentions.
The way you portray yourself may come out in tons of different ways which is why it might feel to some like you’re always changing. There’s also the fact that you can never control the way someone will perceive you. While one person might find you hilarious, the other might say you’re annoying; and that’s perfectly fine.
Before you have an identity crisis, just remember that it’s okay to think no one knows you better than you do one minute and then look in the mirror the next and say “Who are you?”. If I was so completely sure about who I was, I might miss out on things that I considered “not me”. I like to think of it alongside fashion. I don’t have a set style, I just dress according to who I feel like being that day. Self discovery is a never ending process and there’s something beautiful about that. You stay your truest self by learning new things every single day.
I asked some very close friends, some not so close friends, some people I met online, and some people I had one or two classes with to describe me and I was very surprised by the outcome. While all of them warmed my heart, some of them made me learn even more about myself. I would find it so difficult to write about my friends because they are all so amazingly complex so I appreciate them taking the time to write these.